Thursday, March 02, 2006

Vault

It’s hard to imagine a bev more vile than the latest dreck from Coke: Vault Zero, "an artificially flavored sugar free hybrid energy soda". Hybrid? Like, what -- it doesn’t run on gasoline? Coke's just trying to do a Mt Dew (it doesn't even have the Red Bull taurine mix), but it didn't work when it was called Surge either. How bad is it? 1. sickly color (see action photo at left). makes anti-freeze look appetizing. 2. toxic ingredients. to wit: 2 ingreds that end w/ "acid" + aspartame + caffeine + warning "contains phenyketonurics". Why not some DDT while yer at it? Where's the skull & bones? 3. tastes. like. Gatorade. who drinks Gatorade cuz they like the taste? Perhaps the Vault w/ sugar is better. But jeez, can Coke do anything right? And where’s that friggin Blak stuff

18 Comments:

At March 02, 2006 10:49 AM, Anonymous the ram said...

Have you ever seen the actual color of Red Bull? It's not a pretty sight either.

 
At March 02, 2006 10:56 AM, Blogger Kirk said...

Could the "Vault Zero" name be a play on this urban legend?

 
At March 02, 2006 11:25 AM, Anonymous mike said...

Is this competing with Mountain Dew? Or MDX

 
At March 02, 2006 11:28 AM, Blogger Twisted Dog said...

I LOVE TO DRINK ME SOME ANTIFREEZE!

 
At March 02, 2006 11:50 AM, Blogger Paris Hilton said...

No doubt that flea-ridden little mutt is an expert when it comes to yellow liquid.

 
At March 02, 2006 11:56 AM, Anonymous tg said...

Mike, i noticed that MDX has some of that taurine/guarine that's in Red Bull. vault doesn't. it has "concentrated orange juice" which is in mountain dew. so i'm gonna say it's going up against mountain dew

Kirk, interesting link - i forgot about "Mello Yello". it's like coke keeps making the same loser drink over and over!

 
At March 02, 2006 12:13 PM, Blogger Twisted Dog said...

WATCH OUT FOR YOUR SHOES, HO.

 
At March 02, 2006 1:39 PM, Anonymous Cokehead said...

Another failed COKE bit! Bring back NEW COKE...

 
At March 02, 2006 3:40 PM, Anonymous m.b. said...

My favorite part of this item is the way the color of the "Vault Zero" lettering matches the color of the bottle. Nice coordination! Never liked Coke. Pepsi either.

 
At March 02, 2006 6:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This drink isn't new. I saw it in 2005.

 
At March 03, 2006 8:11 AM, Anonymous Church Lady said...

Anonymous...

Isn't THAT special?

 
At March 03, 2006 2:51 PM, Anonymous waiting said...

I guess we're not going to see anything new here today.

 
At March 03, 2006 2:53 PM, Anonymous waiting said...

It would be nice to get some news about a new product. Something about espresso or ice cream or a new resetaurant in Dallas. As advertised.

 
At March 03, 2006 4:02 PM, Anonymous Soothsayer said...

I predict you've been waiting a long time, haven't you?

 
At March 03, 2006 5:31 PM, Anonymous waiting said...

Why say "ice cream or restaurants in Dallas". False advertising! But seems like we're not going to be getting anything today.

 
At March 04, 2006 7:51 AM, Anonymous Dick Cheney said...

Waiting:

I predict you look like a quail.

Maybe you should get your own blog. Or join the service, where waiting is tuned to a fine art. Or so I am told.

And don't forget... I know where you live.

 
At March 04, 2006 12:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I predict that waiting is 13 years old, which means that waiting has been waiting for 13 years.

And dick has been a dick his whole life.

 
At March 08, 2006 12:41 PM, Blogger Parker said...

This has replaced Mtn Dew in all the machines at work. I had learned to accept that "The Dew," while disgusting, would give me a nice caffeine high when I was desperate. I bit the bullet and shot a vault, which sucked.

This is all good, b/c it will force me to get more sleep rather than relying on mid-day caffeine slugs, right?

 

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